Now that things have settled down in this part of my life, I can write about my experiences with getting pregnant after a miscarriage. November of 2019 we became pregnant with our third baby! We were so incredibly happy and excited for our youngest to become a big brother! Within two months I had all of the signs, my heart sank knowing what was to come but I tried to shake it off as implantation bleeding. Really I tried grasping at any and all positive things I could think of. In the end we ended our third babies story in tears and my boys were devastated and heartbroken and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do as I held onto them and felt their tears and their hearts fall into my lap.
I will admit I fell into drinking, I gave myself the reasoning of “I just lost my baby, I cannot deal with life right now.” So night after night, I reasoned myself to sleep so I wouldn’t have to feel so empty and alone. Of course, this didn’t help anything, it just made my grief that much worse when it finally hit me. Oh did it ever hit me. Like a tsunami hitting an Island when no one has prepared. I wasn’t prepared! I thought I had already gone through the grief, and yet I couldn’t remember the sadness and heart ache that followed my very first miscarriage over 8 years ago.
I wept for days and nights and it all became a tangled blur of not showering or eating or even taking care of myself. That is when January rolled around and I gave my heart to my husband and told him how I felt so incomplete and I knew we just had to try again. My story is different than many! I am both happy and sad with how things turned out. Happy because after one month of trying we conceived again, sad because I know this is not the case for so many mamas out there and my heart breaks for you.
This October we welcomed our third baby boy into the world and boy did he enter in the craziest way! A bathroom sink in the hospital and that is all she wrote! Now that he is here, two months old and a bug full of love and squishiness, I am so thankful that I trusted in God during this entire process and He never left the center of it all. Even during babies birth I prayed over and over again throughout all the contractions and pain…..which funny enough, this baby took the longest and was THE most painful one! Yet, he was the smallest weighing in at 7 lbs 7 ounces at 7:05pm on October 12th. 6 days after one big brother and 6 days before the other big brother. God is good and I see him in everything I do!
My heart goes out to all the mams still trying to conceive or those trying for their rainbow babies or pot of gold babies, my heart and prayers are always there for you. So much love to you dear mama, don’t give up, never give up.
Sincerely,
Jeana
Mama of 3 boys
Birth photos courtesy of my husband!
